On Brokenness

You know it’s funny how people break you and expect you to pick up all your pieces and make your self whole again. The thing is you are already broken, there is no turning back. Once broken and you can never be whole again, in fact what is possible is for you to tear  more, break more until some of you have turned into this dust and you are slowly losing yourself in the process. This may sound pessimist but it’s the truth. The more you try to build yourself up and you look up and they break you again and over and over again, is just a painful process.

I pity myself for being here and for the situation that I am in. Because my whole life people around me are always trying to break me and they always succeeds in doing so. Right now my broken self is just lying here and waiting for another impact. It feels like that everyday, because just when I thought that I am waking to my senses and have already accepted my brokenness and have counted the pieces left that they just come and break all the other pieces again. I mean how can I ever move on to that.

They thought that I am testing them or whatever by feeling this way, by putting up on things, by reasoning, by taking my time to analyze the situation but the thing is I am not, I could not even bear to pick my self up, all I ever wanted is they stop it. Stop crushing me, I am trying my best to accept my brokenness and I am getting tired of having to experience this over and over again. It is not an easy ordeal, you are so vulnerable and some people do take advantage of that vulnerability. They may say you’re crazy or you’re losing your mind, that might be true but have they ever asked themselves, “What have I done? ” because in the first place they are the reason why you are like this, why you are acting the way you are right now. If they didn’t break you at all then this should not be happening.

The thing is I do not understand why the balance of things are equated with pain to happiness, darkness to light when really it shouldn’t be that way. I can be harmonious and not interfere or decide to not break someone, but some people just chose to do so, even they also have been broken as well and they all know how it felt, still they wanted to do it to others too.

I must rest here, try to think long again, lay here, be vulnerable but be accepting, try to understand further how brokenness can benefit this ailing soul and heart not wanting to get crushed into dust.

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